Weeeeeeee!!! Yaaaay!

So I look up and see a big sign on the house/building. It says GENTLE PAW DAY CARE. I wasat first a bit confused. Paws are on dogs or furries. But day care is for  kids…which  I also now have. So the way I looked at it…Ya know, I work late nights. Hiring a day care center for my little tiger would probably do him well so hes not home in his crib all the time. So I thought I would take a tour.
So because I want to be a nice “parent” I try to use the door politely. What do I get? “:

[19:25]  Security Door kids: Unauthorized entry attempt detected”. I found that a bit akward but I guess thats just the time we live in. Want to keep the crazies out (coughs)

The high chairs seemed to very stable and kept in good condition. Ok, this place was growing on me. Nevermind that they were shoved into the corner of the kitchen, but you know, it was prob just to save space.

There was also a spanking chair in the room. I’m not against day care discipline, really. But this chair had some very questionable options…”spread legs”, “grab bottom”"cry for more”. ..

But then there was this big pink bear in the living room. I gave it a try and thought..ok..I could nap here. Sure. My doubts from the spanky chair were put on hold. So I thought I’d now check out the middle floor.

So I  upstairs and see matching girl boys cribs/beds which is nice. But yet I’m still a bit put off by the cold marble floor and blacked out windows. I don’t get it. I thought daycares were supposed to be filled with Donald Duck’s and shit.

I try out the bed. Not bad.

Like I said before…Good high chairs, comfy big pink teddy, nice napping beds…And yet something is sill a bit off for me. Concrete floors, blacked out windows, no room service. Than I realize, camming up..there is another floor. So I Tp up there..

NO

FREAKING

WAY!

WHATTHEFUCK WHATTHEFUCK!!!!

Believe it or not…this wasn’t the point where I said thanks but no thanks to this Daycare service….

[19:40]  Daisy Ichi whispers: You are carefully place over the open petal of the Daisy; chains are attached to your wrists and ankles securing you to the frame. Sitting… waiting… for the moment…To be honest…this wasn’t it either…

The hover text says "Free Pony Gear"

“Free Pony Gear”…Yeah..that pretty much did it…

I waited for about 20 mintutes for Jody Foster to show up and shoot that cross dressing, tucking mofo in the face..but no dice. I went screaming from the house before I was forced to rub the lotion on my skin. It was right about now that I realized why I had to to post the locations of these peoples places..because no one..NOT EVEN ME..would believe this one…see for yourself…oh and there was this..

Text reads "0$ tips donated so far. Please help us keep going"

Here’s your tip..Not a chance in hell

http://slurl.com/secondlife/FairChang%20Palmetto/158/122/25 

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But also, you know how the saying goes. “You can take the man out of the office, but not the office out of the man”.  Descartes said that.

This was a nice hut. Had a mini bar and everything. Plenty of poseballs (which were all labeled with “…her” for some strange reason) and a STRIPPER POLE!

I head next door and once again am struck wondering why everything is labeled “her” this or “her” that. Not to mention pictures of vaginas all over the walls.

I believe this is called “Ironic Punishment”.

So right after that… I stopped and checked my location on the map – “Lesbian Island Resort Rentals. Niverna”.

Yeah..I’m gonna need a  minute.

When you make the kind of mistake I make while choosing a vacation spot, It’s important to salvage what you can. So I headed next door and went inside, mind you not even seeing the pentagram flag hanging out side. I figured I would pull one of these off the wall when..

” Collision with: ”Stinger“

OW!

 ”Collision with: ”Stinger“,  ”Collision with: ”Stinger“, “Collision with: ”Stinger“,  ”Collision with: ”Stinger“

BEES! AH BEES! BEES!

It was right about here I learned a very important fact about myself as my neck and face swelled up to the size of a football.

1. I’m apparently allergic to bees oh and always check your destination before going on vacation in Second Life.

http://slurl.com/secondlife/Niverna/210/76/21

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I usually only have one reaction when I come up on places with a sign like this. Not to mention there was a picture of a Furry right next to it.

Like really, why not just paint a biiiiiig target on the side of your skybox. Normally I just find secret ways into places. Not this time.

No offense but if you are going to put a big sign on your house that says “DONT COME IN HERE”, I’m going to make sure you knew I was there.

So on inside I look around, and yeah for the most part empty. Not the first time I’ve walked into mostly empty rooms. But this was a Furry residence. There was no way I was going to walk out of this place disappointed or empty handed

Dear god, they have a litter. Please let them be gone. I dont’ have the rooom or the leashes to take on anymore rugrats (zing).

I’m sure this would make more sense with a tail.

I’m sure even if I had a tail, this stilll wouldn’t.

Now this is what I’m talking about. A BED IN THE SHAPE OF A PAW!

Really, when it comes down to a sex generation bed with options like “Lick Each Other“, “Sniff Her“, “Group Fun“, “Male on Male” or ”Lick Self“…You really can’t do much better than a giant paw.

So Just as I was about to take this puppy (zing) for a test drive..what do I see over my shoulder.

Consider my fun ruined. There was no way I could test this sex-paw with that looking at me. I really only had one option

So I’ll fully admit..I had to pee. BAD.  I should have gone before t the house but I also figured if I really had to go, there would just be another cop car around somewhere. There wasn’t.

Now before you judge, think of me getting justice for anyone who has come home after a crappy day at work and the first thing to greet you is nice pile of poo or a nice warm puddle for you to clean up, curtiousy of the house pet.

What relief looks like

Just marking my territory. YIFF!

I noticed this sign on my way out. And couldn’t help but think, “Yep, right back atcha’”.

http://slurl.com/secondlife/Noddegamra/6/40/21

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Notice me in the corner by the dungeon door

So The only way into a castle is from the dungeon, any casual Monty Python fan knows this. But as I get down there I look up and what do I see standing on the ground above me….

Oh freaking great…GOREANS. Of all the castles in all the “lands”..I get a Gorean one. I was here and just had to make sure to be extra careful, thus I get trapped, or netted or collared or some other crazy shit.

So As I try to sneak through the gate, I get this message – ”  [13:11]  Object: A compatible pick tool is needed to pick the lock. “…This place was practically begging me to rob it. Note to all you midevial Goreans in Second Life…they do have these things called POWER DRILLS. It’s a really amazing modern tool that runs on these things called “Batteries”

So I get in through the dungeon and it pretty much has all the sex racks, and bondage chairs and cock pullers and the usual stuff that you can imagine or have already seen here…Though the “present yourself” option was a bit too tempting to pass up. I didn’t really have time to stop and try out the rest, as this place was obviously crawling with Gors.

I AM GORRRRRRRR!

So I walk up to the first floor of the castle and suddenly hear people talking. So I creep up to the corner and sure enough…

[12:43]  GS (Male): so i can trade you to your siters

[12:43]  CH (female): “Oh I’d like that very much !”

[12:43]  CC (female): smiles, yes save her from boogs lol

[12:44]  GS: hahaha

[12:44]  GS: but maybe she love him ?

[12:44]  GS: do you love your master ?

 [12:45]  CH: “No” *her tone flat and pointed*

[12:45]  GS: and me ?

[12:45]  GS: do you love me ?

[12:45]  CH: “You’re all right” *forces a slight smile*

[12:45]  GS: aww you love the women then

[12:46]  CH: *nods to Chloe* “She’s very sweet, for certain, Master”

[12:46]  GS: then she can be your mistress

[12:46]  CH: “But I am not into women though..if that’s what you mean”

[12:46]  CC: coughs

[12:46]  CC: ermm, i think sh’ed rather return home love

[12:46]  GS: i think too

[12:47]  GS: do you know write girl ?

 [12:47]  CH: “I can read and write if that’s what you mean. I was raised to be a skald, then learned reading and writing from a scribe in the south”

 [12:49]  CH: *holds up the paper to Galaad*

[12:49]  GS: tell we wait the asnwer one day, no more

[12:50]  CH: *draws the paper back down and writes on it again*

 [12:50]  GS attach the paper to a bird and send it

[12:50]  CH: “And if they refuse ?”

[12:50]  GS: if they refuse you stay here owned bu boogie

[12:51]  GS: and he can do all he want with you

WTH??

[12:51]  CH: *looks down at her knees thoughtfully and nods slowly*

[12:51]  GS: but dont worry all the women say he have a litle sword

[12:52]  CC: laughs, well its hard not to see through his kilt

[12:52]  CH: *snickers, covering her mouth*

[12:52]  CC: especiallt when he runs

[12:52]  CC: especially*

[12:52]  GS: its a trap for the women then

[12:53]  GS: as they look his sword they aim him bad

 [12:53]  coral Caproni: ermm, if you want to call it that yes i guess laughs

[12:54]  GS: (can you IM one of your sister ?)

[12:54]  CH: Sure.

[12:54]  CH: ((what do you want me to say to them ?))

[12:54]  GS: (do ans tell me if one come)

[12:55]  GS: (what i say to write on the paper)

[12:55]  GS: one salt for your freedom and one come alone

Right about there is where I said “oohhhhkay, I’ve heard enough”, and headed up to the next floor quitly. I wasn’t really worried about them detecting me, as I don’t think “radar” was invented yet to them. But they do have chains and arrows and wooden dildo spears..no thanks.

God help us all. You can’t see my expression but if you remember in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, when he sees the kid slaves for the first time..Yeah it was pretty much that. (/me covers my heart)

AH CRAP! BIG BLUE WOLF.

“mm yes I do believe this piece dates back to the pre gorean rennasaince age..mm yes notice the coloring on that 6 year old slaves succulant buttox..mm yes a very nice ‘piece’ indeed yes, get it ol’ chap..piece mmhm”

Sometimes I could be on a job for hours and cant decide between what to take and what not to take. Not this time. I saw this amazing masterpiece and Knew I had to have it.

Ok so..I’m in this Gorean Sex Slave Castle right..and I come across a large box..with the words “Smilee’s Cool Room: Keep Out”. Now…what do you think is going to happen?

Not gonna lie..this was a bit of a let down. Of course it could have also been the rump of a disobient slave mistress..So I had that going for me.

So I thought I had seen enough and decided to head out..but as I’m leaving..

SHIT! They are standing right there. My exit was blocked. I had to head back in and find another door.

I head back in for another exit…and what happens…

SHIT! SHIT! Another exit blocked!..I had one chance, the Roof.

WTF IS THIS!!! Donkey Kong…jesus.

So I FINALLY make it up to the roof..and it was right about there that I realized my um..dilema. How-The-Hell do I get down now without them seeing me? I’ve already taken a 7 story spill once, I wasn’t about to try that again. I had to jump to the crossbridge…ehhh

That didnt hurt as bad as I thought it would but I wasnt out of the woods yet..

I had only one escape left

Another close call averted

Of course I swam away I had to hear this:

[13:22]  SS(Female): ok eve get your panther gear on

/me shudders

http://slurl.com/secondlife/Teveh%20Pass/173/115/34

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There are just some things you don’t turn down. Sample bbq cocktail wieners or cheese squares at the grocer, ice cream samples and free towels.

We’re getting physical on the big bright purple treadmill..yeah

 So really, who doesnt have a giant waterfall running through their living room? I thought this is going to be amazing

So here I was ready to pull this amazing portrait off the wall..when I heard something upstairs. Nothing and I mean NOTHING could have prepared me for what was about to happen.

So at the top of the stairs is a nursery. Ok..no big deal. Everyone knows having kids in SL is “perfectly normal”. So I walk up to the crib and what do I find…

OH – MY – GOD

A baby was in the crib, crying  and it appeared NO ONE ELSE WAS HOME. WHATTHEFUCK WHATTHEFUCK!

Now lets face it, I’m not great with kids. Someone in my profession doesn’t exactly make an ideal father. But no one was around and if the neighbors hear a baby crying and suspect something is up, they call the cops and I’m not exactly popular with them right now. I just thought I could do something to shut it up.

I even tried singing..how does that song go?:

“hush little baby dont say a word. Please for the love of god don’t drop a turd (sing it..it works).

Im going to get you a erm..fairy painting. And if you don’t like the  fairy painting..erm…tough shit because I’m not giving you my unicorn painting“

So right about then I heard some other noises coming from the room next door..So I’m thinking the naked lady with the stars is actually home. Now again, I should have just put the kid down and gotten out..but I had one of those “WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU” moments..especially when I saw that the door was hanging wide open..

I swear I didn't do this

I just break into places an play with people’s sex dungeons ok…I couldn’t harm a kitten. So I go into the master bedroom next door thinking the noises are coming from the mom.

WRONG. Fuck me, oops sorry..pardon my language in front of the kid..but FUCK ME.. So mom has porn on her tv, goes out, leaves baby home alone..

It was right about here where it became abundantly clear what I had to do..

I know this is going to look all Limbergh baby and shit…and I don’t care. In the long run, this little tiger will thank me. And if worst comes to worst, In a few years..I have an accomplice

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So I thought what the hell, it’s seen me, might as well say hello.

So the first thing I notice is the giant video playing on the tv screen. The music to this vid was some bad trance rip off of Seven Nation Army and all I could think about are these four chads walking up to a club entrance asking each other “Yo Bra, whoze gots da roofies yo?”

And I turn an see this giant self made Ambercrombie and Fitch advertisement on the wall (except for the girl of course) and again, just lost all measure of self control.

And then I turn around and gasp and see this…

I knew as soon as I saw him I would have him, Proposition 8 be damned or not

I found this odd. There was no furniture in this room. The only reason I could come up with is he couldn’t find any furniture with his own face on it.

At this point, I have already found what I was looking for. So I headed upstairs for a little alone time.

Aaaaand then back down for some R&R

vrrrroooom!

And then I just thought, one last time. I would show the camera who is boss.

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Who in NY City DOESNT lock their rooftop door? THIS GUY.

So I’m looking around this place and thinking..very nice.. oh..oh whats that on the table?

Don’t mind if I do.

Now right about here is where I honestly don’t remember much else from that night. So Ill just let the pictures do the talking:

Right about here is where I started coming down, and feeling like the floor of a taxi cab. I was also naked for some reason.

So I passed out for a few. Fuck it if they came home.

I tried to get back to work, noticing this basquit painting..but I puked on it.

..and the car..

And myself.

This is where I got the munchies..BIG TIME. So I thought I’d hit the fridge.  FAIL. Only in New York does  a stoner have nothing but fuits and vegetables.

x

http://slurl.com/secondlife/Acropolis/50/152/53

Hello? What was this…in the window? It did indeed look like..

Camming in a bit closer…YES..a UNICORN! I have a wolf..and a fairy..and this is all I need to round up my great triangle of fantastical destiny. Of course there was one teeny..tiny problem:

“hipposecure 1.5: This is a restricted area. Please leave within 15 seconds of you will be removed. Thank you”

I’m really not a fan of these rush jobs. I like to take my time, see things out. But come on, it was a fucking unicorn. So if thats the way it had to be..thats the way it had to be.

15..14…

13..

Oh thanks christ the door was unlocked

12…11…

WHAT THE FUCK!!! More fish in a stereo aquarium??? Come on people.

8…9…

Oh yeah…SHIT!

6..5..

Fuck this thing is heavy.

4..3..

2..1

oh this is gonna hurt..

“You Have been ejected from this land”

Oh….FAAWK

Ok Ok..I have good news and bad news..I was ejected..yes.

Good news: The unicorn painting made it out ok…YAY EBAY

Bad news: I fucking landed on the crowbar…fuuuuuuuck

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http://slurl.com/secondlife/Dakhanavar/244/152/51

So I head downstairs and same thing, except for one table and a couple of chairs completely empty. Oh and there was this thing – Giant posable dolly box.

Now how adorable is this?

(/me shudders)

So then I jump out of this thing and turn around…and am met with this…

What..

The..

FUCK!

Dead – Fucking – Body! Hanging from the cieling!! WHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCK!!! Ok let’s say I’m me and you’re you and oh, you’re ohhh I don’t know, A COP. Hmm..guy in mask, gloves, black clothing..In a room, with a dead body. HMMMMMMMM…

Needless to say I started looking for an exit right about 10 minutes ago.

So I know, I know, I know. It says “To Dungeon”. But it was the closest exit. In hindsight, It probably wasn’t the um…”Best” option.

Yup..you guessed it…

..SEX DUNGEON

Annnd right about here is where I officially lost my taste for the whole night.

Congrats you sick fucking murdering ass rammer, this was officially the first house I’ve ever gone running and screaming from

X

http://slurl.com/secondlife/Dakhanavar/142/119/74

It says "Privacy Off"

Oops!

“Jesus, if you’re listening..please help me fill this house with crap”

It’s important to keep your crowbar happy. For someone like me, it’s your best friend.

I had to save this for last. Like seriously, there  was NOTHING in this house. I was bored off my tits. So I said fuck it, and turned on the tv. And what do I get as soon as I do. The always amazing Vin Diesel saying in Spanish “Don’t be crazy, lose your load!”

Made my night <3

X

http://slurl.com/secondlife/Sapphire/88/236/25